Breakdown moment

This piece is not even my favorite.

I totally wept for a while listening to this.

The execution of the piece was so evocative and so pure, as always with the case with Gould,

yet so unfamiliar of the emotion that I was experiencing.

There was nothing I could do but to sit and wait till everything was over.

There are no artist left alive today who can play like this.

Only once before that I have experienced similar emotion.

But she was a 8 months old baby, who touched a piano for the very first time in her life.

Her mom and I watched her eyes widen in sheer bliss and joy, pressing her tiny finger into the huge

black machine in front of her in amazement.

The baby had no intention to please anyone.

Just her, and magic machine that makes beautiful sounds on her command.

***

By the way, I always thought Gould was talking to Bach through his piano.

Just him, his Steinway (his chair, too-He never played without his chair)

and the composer he never met.

There were no audience, no listeners.

Perfect Score + extra credit and nightmares

I just finished my performance final.

Perfect score + extra credits. (Extra credits for letting my professor choose two pieces to perform for her, instead of two of my own choices. )

I don't have to suffer weird nightmare for awhile.

Seriously, in last few nightmares:

I have been smited by Liszt in his practice room.

Some dude who was suspiciously looking like Guy Pierce professed his dark secret love for me, (Don't ask. All I could see that was painful situation for him to admit that he has thing for a man, and letting others to know.)

Or a girl I picked up at shady club where dealing illegal pharmaceuticals and prostitution, turned out to be a shemale, however Fred the person he is, not even flinching at the sight of...um(Edited for contents~) then got on to business... She was wearing turtleneck red dress, and Fred thought she looked like the actress in movie Underworld.

I never had that kind of vivid dream with all sorts of details.

I have to go to my dentist, so I can't analyze my nightmare right now. I will add if I get to it.

Additional item on my fetish

There were comment posted by my reader warspite, on the entry below.

Frederic Prevost's fetish

5. messing with inane people's minds
6. telling it what it is
7. making people gnaw their legs off because they cannot get you

yes... pretty much.

The biggest mistake on the part of "inane people" in Second Life is this:

They are mistaken that they are protected by Geneva Convention while they are playing some virtual characters.

And then, they realized that there are no protocols in Geneva Convention for the humanitarian relief of fake characters... they try to blame it on Fred.

The fact: Inane or not, the logic applies to everyone. Surprise!

"Blame it on Fred!"

**

I have a Final exam on dictation tomorrow.

(I just came back from the Final Exam. I think I got everything correctly. Perfect score. A+. It really sucks that I got -0.5 on one of the sight reading quiz. Every other quiz, online quiz, Mid Term, were all perfect scores on this unit. Actually, I have one more performance Final on this unit on next Tuesday. I am prepared and confident about the subjects on performance, so it will not be a issue.

Although she is not my Music theory 101 professor, she also teaches the different section, therefore I asked her opinion on my first composition. She answered me a couple of minor notation questions, corrected few notations for different voicing, and gave me fictitious A+ on my composition Final Project, if I was in her section. Not only that, she suggested that I should keep this piece for the projects in advanced music theory, because some of the musical elements that I included are only covered in intermediate and advanced classes. Yay --Too bad, my professor decided not to do any composition project, citing the reason that too many of my classmates are not yet to be capable to fulfill all the requirements.

She explained some analysis on my own composition to me, and told me that I should continue relying on my ears, since I already have enough grasp of musical expressions and knowledge, vocabulary to compare to. If it makes sense, you are doing it right. Sometimes, it is just as simple. )

Spring Semester

In the comment by Lord Diglett about my college classes... Yes, definitely, my college music class started really slow.

However, after all of 15 minutes of soul searching (lol) I decided to pursue degree in music. Next semester, I will be a half time student, with 4 units of theories, 1unit of performance with private piano lesson, and maybe Swimming or class voice I. 1 unit each.

As long as I keep up with those 6 units, I will be qualified for some grants, too. As you know, coffee won't be covered, but 150$ of free money? I'm not complaining.

With all these severe budget crisis, only one class is offered to almost any level and any subjects. Professors would be left no choice but to drop students who doesn't show up on classes.

***

Piano Accompanist who works for the classes agree to take me as his piano student, and since he comes to school, we can do the lessons on campus, which is very convenient for me. I kinda feel bad he only charges 20$ per lesson... as you know, my coffee cost more... ... ...

******ACK, eeeee! I just saw Stravinsky's almost naked picture! He was in sagging speedo... ***

(Downside of dual monitor!)

***********************

my kinks and fetishes...

Hmmm, there are lot of hints through out my blogs, but there is no summary in here, huh...?

In short, I am not sure myself. Everyone knows I'm not vanilla, but other than that, there aren't much of particulars are there?

So I just list several that has not changed ever since I was a little kid.

1. dude with long hair. Liszt (heart eyes) to Ted Nugent... what can I say.

2. boots and gloves

3. some sort of restraints. ---The one I really like is that metal loop on the wall which could be used with anything. I wish I could install one in my room. I need some sort of bracer for the structure.

4. certain music

See?

Please add if you can think of something that I have not remembered.

Forum and what not.

So I joined the message board/forum of certain book series.

The place is very well moderated, and ppl are engaging in all civil and friendly manner. Since the main subject of the discussion is almost always about the creation of the author, you would think that topics would very limited...

Wrong!

Some ppl are as you may imagine, almost function as walking encyclopedia for the whole series, not only that, those ppl has list of links of quotes by authors who posted in online book dealer's webpage.

Man, I had this burning question about one of the book from the series, and I could not deny the feeling that same notion could have felt by at least some of the readers out there. That was the main reason I joined. If I was totally satisfied with the story, I wouldn't have been.

***

There are individual board on each books, and boy, "I didn't like the book, although the main character is my favorite one from the series" comments are in sticky... LOL

Anyways, I will not reveal the series name here. That is my guilty pleasure for now.

***************************

Second Life? ...... i do not have any motivation to log in at this very minute.

I tried to construct web profile for second life, but it is turning out to be a more than a challenge. I just don't have enough concentration on learning yet another format of blog/website (using wordpress this time) . Oh no, I'm not making this new one my blog. This one will stay here as it is.

The purpose is to paste the link to my profile *web* tab. Well, I could have used SL profile. com, but yea................. i dont remember the login and whatever...

Jagerkinz kindly provided me with his server space, so I would think its anything goes, compared to those of PG/explicit content warning rating crap on other servers. Am I right, Jager? Otherwise, he won't be sending me hardcore graphic background for my use...

****

Rant of the day, #1

Jager and I are not lovers.

Anyone who feels jealousy towards us, are idiots.

I need to get that out of the system, once and for all.

****************

Rant of the day, #2

Jager is a big boy. He can take care of himself, meaning he doesn't need anyone coddling him or defending him form whatever the indiscretion I supposed to be committed on him. That is none of your business, quite honestly put. Leave the man's yard to himself.

There is nothing wrong with him, and he doesn't need any fixing. AT ALL.

*********************************

I love college Music theory class. I'm kinda becoming the Diva of the class, but that is just my character. Now at least 1/4 of the class prefer to sit around me for convenience of getting a quick question answered or purely the pleasure of my company. (truly) Of course, there are ppl never sits around me and probably annoyed that I always be able to answer the difficult questions, but that is their problem. (as always)

As a matter of fact, I am always willing to answer or discuss the related matters regardless of who they are.

However, there is also my favorite whipping boy, too. LOL

He is a cute mexican kid (well, so as the most of them are.) but he has this charming, outgoing personality with lots of faults. So, he always taking my blow in the class projects.

We also have 14 year old boy who are home schooled. He lives in my neighborhood. I think I visited his mom like 6 years ago, because I heard whole bunch of violins practicing.

There is an old Mexican mariachi musician in out class as well. He is always performing, I take it that was his life work. Mariachi is a very difficult style to master, as the most of the folk arts usually are. I have a respect for him, for taking college class, although he probably doesn't require any of those at all. (Mariachi is usually passed down from master musicians to apprentices, parents to children. )

I also have respect for remaining classmates. For the most part, these are pretty new to them, and keeping up with the contents takes a lot of studying, since music theory has nothing to do with any of out daily life, so to speak.

Loving both of my professors.

They are true musicians. They give me slack when I need. Well, not that i need a lot, but they understand when I make silly mistakes, are not that I'm not studying the contents, and it is just that. They also gives me a recognition that I am actually a good student, and understand I secretly studies at home. (>.> *darted eyes)

They also patiently explain to me when I ask oddball questions. (remember, I have been a musician for a long time, so I have very practical questions that are not addressed in the book.)

*****************************

I gained a lot of weight during the last several months. I had been my heaviest. But since my sleeping pattern is disrupted, i'm losing some again. Its not physical activity that lose me my weight. Always my sleep patterns.

*************

I HEART Banana Republic's Luxe card.

They give me free hemming on pants.

DO you know how much I have to spend on hemming in my whole life? This is a life saver. I should always thought my height should qualify for tax break or disability, since I need alteration of almost anything. At least one clothing label recognize some useful benefit. Forget stupid points. All for free hemming service.

Entry from my laptop

Wow, i have been away for a long time. No, that is not accurate. I just didn't have nothing to post here. And this blog on PC laptop looks totally different than in my mac. Maybe I have to adjust some graphics here.

As I mentioned in my previous entry, I started a couple of college classes. Every day of the week, on 8 am, and I usually get there about 20 minutes before the class starts.

Music Theory class is not that hard, but turns out to be quite informational. It isn't quite Perfect A+, but I am able to maintain A's so far. Every now and then, I encounter something I have not seen before in my performance practice, and I thought I have very broad experience even as a musician. (Piano, violin, voice, choir, vocal ensemble, some orchestra, brass band, limited string chamber ensemble and various popular music group format.) without seeing actual scores, those theory is hard to comprehend with one liner explanation of one textbook. Maybe because there are so many ways to explain these things, I suppose. Professor also repeats that, we should put into practice, and that is the only way we learn these theory. I quite agree with that assessment.

Sight Singing 111, i was taking it only because it was co-requisite. just finished mid term. Perfect A+ so far. I think I will take next level of classes with this professor.

********

LL being an idiot.
Stupid localization team announced Japanese portal, when they don't have Japanese speaking reps on toll free number. I am very understanding when it come to mixed culture, but I also have my limits on stupidity as you well all know.

Would you even consider calling 1-800 customer service number when you know they will be answered in some foreign language you don't understand, say, Dutch or Icelandic? No fucking way. But that is basically what they announced.
I called them out in both Japanese and in English in official blog. None of the LL employee responded.

On another LL blunder.
I just age verify myself with Elvis's name. Thank you, thank you very much!
Some reason, they do not reject dead people. They only match the input data with public record. Therefore, as long as the data you provide exists somewhere, regardless of that person is you or not, they will give you verification. LMAO

There is a group of ppl pointed out this loophole when the adult rating controversy started. LL's own fault, really. Their ignorance on ppl's suggestions and input, is always apparent.

Can they use this blog as an admission of my guilt? No. lol Because they have no evidence of me falsify my identity. Therefore they cannot prove it. Remember, they are the one who has burden of proof. And I may have used my real life info. Either way, they insists that they don't receive any of the private info, therefore they cannot match my account, may it be true or untrue.

There are many Elvis running around in adult sims!

*********
On the subject of idiot.
We should nominate Amiryu Hosoi into SL idiot Hall of shame.

She, either seriously think Shunga(19th century Japanese pornographic wood prints. Even with disclaimer I should not put that sample in here. Since my blog is not about erotic art. But if any of you want to know what I'm talking about, just google the term Shunga will give you more than enough examples.) is an art ... or anything old is an art, or anything should be permissive in PG sim, because it is 150 years old, even if it is a blatant display of copulating couple. ... ...

Bringing up once in Forum, is quite enough. Three times nearly after 4 months? I think she should get over her obsession on Japanese porn.

Decided to get rid of my sim

Let's just put this one first.
I am not having any difficulty financially. That is NOT the reason for selling my sim.


Lately, I am sick and tired of SL in general, and SL has been nothing more than a drag to me. I have always said that SL is a place I can fail and no consequences whatsoever. And this is the time.

Actually I have considered to rent the land as many people in SL do. However, the new announcement by LL about content roadmap just made me think that I can't endure any more fiasco created by the lack of planning and objectives by LL.

In short, I'm not trusting LL enough to give them 300$ of free money for no reason.

*****
In a few short weeks, I'm starting college classes (music. YAY! Easy A's) and I'd rather spend 300$ for my books and snacks. Even for me, 300$ for sim so I can just idle and AFK while practice my piano, doesnt worth the money.


If anyone thinks having a SL sim is some sort of status symbol like driving a luxury car, the person probably need to develop a good self esteem. As I said before, either of them means nothing to me. I used to see some value in SL, now I no longer see the same value. Simple as that.

It's kind of amusing to hear someone feel bad about me letting my sim go. They lament the work I put in, or the memory of good times they had on my sim. Sure. That was nice. But that is just them.

I pay 300$ for SL if i enjoy whatever it offers. Since it is no longer the case, I stop paying them.

*****
Anyways, this is your last chance to stop by and take a pic. :D

************
And no, I'm not leaving SL.

Conflicts?

Warning: This is somewhat macabre post. Don't read, if you feel these kind of contents are negative.


Some people here who knows me to a certain extent already, can tell that I have a good life, fabulous living environment with enough material comforts. My immediate family members are perfectly healthy and happy.
My children are very happy, and we have great relationship. 17 year old is very mature and responsible, very intelligent, even as a young adult. His school work is meticulous, his academic achievement start to show his true talents in all areas. The important of them all is that he start to recognize his own potential (took some time to make him understand how exceptionally intelligent and capable he is; was the almost the hardest. ) I braced myself for tumultuous teenage years, but he skipped stupid and awkward antics and straight into maturity of 27 year old. I really can't find anything to be desired at this point.

9 year-old. He is the happiest child in the world. What can I say. He may not have academic achievement of his brother, but he has great, resilient character to offer. His mental strength in certain area can help his older brother in the future.
They are years apart, but also have great bond in between them and understand that, in years to come, they have each other.

Any parent would love to have such family in a heartbeat.That is what anyone wants and anyone would be working hard to achieve where I am at.

I am contributing to the community, I have a lot of good hobbies that are meaningful. I have a happy, good life, and I am a very happy person.
***

Yet, there is this nagging feeling of boredom and apathy.
In a way, I need constant challenge in my life, and I suppose I overcame all the challenges of the early human life in general such as raising a healthy family or establish oneself.

Mid Life Crisis? Certainly.
I bought 60,000 $ Steinway several years ago. That is about the same sticker price of Corvette or Hummer, isn't it? (And my piano still values about the same if not more. I doubt that 5 year old Corvette has same value.)
I can play some of the great piano literature from memory, on demand, and I can impress any musician, without using any excuse such as " I only learned when I was a kid."

Yet, all those achievement seems irrelevant and trivial. I don't feel like cheering myself for having a good life. "yay me!"... seems stupid. And I loathes everyone becoming Oprah's "Yay me! I overcame my drug abuse/ obesity/ poverty/ abusive relationship/ whatever you think you don't want in your life etc etc etc.. "
I wasn't stupid so I never be in that situation in the first place.
I always know when I was a kid, that I don't get those awards, because I was already above the level of *achievement awards* that some of the kids get. "Yay, you are able to count to 20!" awards? And I never resented the fact that I was always smarter than other kids, which means i hardly ever get praise, nor teachers ever let me answer the question, when I raise my hands.
Many teachers asked questions deliberately that the most kids doesn't know, so they can sustain the classroom for some attention, yet, they refuse to let me answer, because they knew I know the correct answer of Shakespeare's "Hamlet" quote or who wrote "Beneath the wheel" or "Brothers of Karamazov" in 5th grade class.

so yea, to me, achievement is not a big deal.
I didn't even think those i described above was an achievement till recently. I thought that is no brainer, common sense stuff everyone has to do.

Having a right path is not an achievement for me. It is expected and quite compulsory.

***
We sometimes see the news of a suicide by a person with full of talents and great life. And as anyone else, I always wondered what went *wrong* with that person's life.

But recently, it occurred to me that maybe there was nothing *wrong* with his/her life. All of a sudden, it came to me that you can just end your life in absolute certainty that you have absolutely perfect life.

******
The society we live might think that it is a conflicted view. But I don't think so. Those views are based on the notion that death is a bad thing.

Think for a second.
Death is bad for the people who are left. It is a very selfish sentiment by the family or friends.
The who is dead is dead, and could careless what happens after. Or, rather, one can't do anything about it.

I always thought vaguely that I really don't want anyone to throw any typical funeral for me. It is stupid. Several grand for dead me? They should just discard my carrion somewhere and go to vacation or have a nice dinner.
Now, I'm sure of the reason why. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for themselves by the passing of myself. lol


It is NOT true, "death = negative, bad thing."

PPl who feel threatened by my presence... lol

In SL, I am not an obnoxious ass that giving grief to others. I am respectful, and I don't play games nor go into drama shit.
No gadgets and weapons I can use effectively in SL. I don't know how to hack other people's account, nor I don't know how to cyber stalk anyone. I'm not that geeky.

For that matter, I am not a threatening presence to anyone in SL.

Yet, there are a couple of grown man who feels threatened by my presence in their own place for whatever the reason/issues they think they have with me. In reality, I don't know either of them, and I don't talk to them either.

So, why do they asking me why I'm where I want to be, or they feel obliged to tell me to confirm what I write in this blog is truth or not?
And the ultimate amusement of the thing? They don't have a balls to come to my face and tell me what the FUCK is their problem. (One, seems to think that I am writing about him, in the article below. LOL THanks for confirmation. Sometimes, silence is golden. ) The other, apparently sent IM to mutual friend and hinted that I leave. LMAO

Why the fuck are you so afraid of ME?

Look, the fact, that just I'm not as egoistic as you nor having *I'm the king complex* like you that everyone has to like you, doesn't mean I am not reasonable nor I am going apeshit throwing drama around like you do. (No drama policy wearing thin, since you are always surrounded by fucking drama of the worst kind in SL... )

I never spilled shit inside SL, never griefed anyone, never attached anyone. So, I just dumbstrucked by the fear/negative energy I sense from you. (Yea, it sucks to be empath, but I get over it quickly.)

If you have issues with me(from fucking two years ago that you should well have been to be gotten over with.. but) say so, and I can discuss that. If you wanted me to leave for whatever the reason, all you have to do is ask. LOL It is YOUR place, and you can have your own kindom. Just as well I have my own and I have the control in mine. I was there by invitation of my friends and I wasn't bothering no one, i was minding my own shit. IF you don't like DRAMA but you seem to forget a lot that what you do is ACTUALLY the very drama you say you hate? When the man become hipocrytic or repeatedly inconsistant, the weight of his words becomes less meaningful.

Just don't send some 21 year old girl as a messenger, like some immature 14year old girls in highschool cliquey cheerleader shit, to tell me to leave.

Of course, whatever the drama you have in mind, you can keep that yourself and stay the hell out of my way. Because in honesty, I have no clue what the issue here. Either way, I'm parepared to deal with you.

****
And for others who seems to be unable to read the warning and public disclaimer of this blog, and addition to that, forgetting to understand that my BLOG is out side SL, and I have constitutional right to express my opinions in here...
You *chose* to come here and read my blog. LEAVE, if you don't like what you see.
Simple as that. Squeaking about what I write in here? lol high school cheer leader shit. GO to your own clique and talk amongst yourselves. LOL


What I write here, NO ONE have any control nor say in this.

This is MY blog, and I have my RIGHTS to do so, as much as you have the same rights.

IF you are mature, grown man, you should know that you can't tell me what to do in my own domain, You are not my father. LMAO For that matter, my own 82 year old Faustian father don't even tell me what to do in my domain.

You have no fucking power over me.


Here is an idea.

Set up your own blog, and get over it.
This is not your clique bulletin board where everyone love one another.

Get
Over
IT

Here's a recap of some of the drama I was talking about